...and don't bloody forget it!

"This will be a new Government with new priorities and I have been privileged to have been granted the great opportunity to serve my country."

Yes, Mr Brown, you have been given the great privilege of serving your country. Note that word "serving." That means that instead of forcing us all to take part in some doomed Socialist experiment, YOU do what WE want. After ten years of your predecessor (Blair's gone! Hooray!!!) there are a LOT of things we want.

The first of these, I do believe, is a referendum on the slightly warmed over EU Constitution that Blair signed at the weekend in a last act of pointless spite directed at the nation that paid him to represent it.

Secondly, a tax cut would be rather nice. I don't really like Britain's underclass very much, and I'm buggered if I can see why I should pay for their Findus crispy pancakes and alcopops any more. Just starve the bastards until they find a job.

Lastly (for now at least) I'm sure that most of the British people, like me, would love to see a law that will prevent Cherie Blair's hideous gargoyle grin ever appearing in the papers again.

Well Mr Brown, you might be unelected and therefore as illegitimate as a sink-estate teenager, but regrettably you seem to be Prime Minister. That means you work for us now. So off you go and get started; let me know when you've finished, I'll have thought of some more work for you by then.