Classy...

Well, young "father" Alfie Patten has given another excellent illustration of why he should be stripped down for donor organs. The little charmer appeared yesterday in a custom-printed hoodie (of course) with the slogan "I'm the daddy, if not f**k you all I'll still be there" across the back, and a hand making a predictable gesture on the back of the hood itself.

Never mind the fact that some member of the revolting little bastard's family has paid for this pitiful garment with taxpayer's money; what does this say about the mindsets of these scum-sucking vermin? They are actually BOASTING about this whole sorry episode! All I can say is that for years now there have been ripples of discontent from the decent working- and middle-class people who have been forced to subsidise the huge and loathsome chav circus that so much of the UK has become. Those ripples are now growing with frightening speed into a large and powerful wave. We can only hope that when that wave breaks it will smash the appalling Alfie and all those around him, and sweep the shattered debris into oblivion.

Chantelle: A good time that was had by all?

Well, I've stayed away from blogging for a while, but finally I've seen something vile enough to bring me back, and in a towering rage at that. The politest thing I could say about Alfie Patten, Chantelle Steadman and their parents is that they disgust me. However, I have no intention of being polite.

Let's start with the parents. There are, as is usually the case, four of them. Of the four, only one is employed; Alfie's father is a part-time Satan impersonator and moonlights for a recovery firm. This minor point in his favour was completely wiped out when I discovered that the feckless bastard has a total of NINE children (by multiple sluts, naturally) and that he left Alfie's shiftless whore of a mother for a 19 year old girl. Am I too harsh in calling the mother a shiftless whore? I think not. Since her husband departed, her house has become notorious for loud music and unruly parties, and she is facing court for collusion in a FIVE MONTH period of truancy by sweet little Alfie.

Chantelle's parents, meanwhile, are classic dole scum. Both are unemployed, but they still manage to pull in roughly GBP30,000 a year in handouts extorted from the luckless taxpayers. Clearly they have no shame, as they have popped out a total of six future parasites without bothering their fat arses to try financing their spawn themselves. Chantelle's mother, who is clearly so far from being the sharpest knife in the drawer that I wouldn't use her to cut soup, saw nothing wrong in letting her 14 YEAR OLD daughter share a bed with her 12 YEAR OLD boyfriend. She denies knowledge of the 14 and 16 year old boyfriends, but the testimony of her disgusted neighbours suggests that she is lying. I'm sure the bitch was NOT lying when she said that her misbegotten new granddaughter will want for nothing (except for adult role models and, oh for fuck's sake, adult PARENTS!) but it won't all be provided by the "loving family" the more sickly tabloids are on about; once again, the taxpayer will be shaken by the heels to extort the readies for little Maisie Roxanne's first piercings.

Now. Chantelle. I must admit that when I heard of this whole sordid tale I wasn't surprised that the teenage slag in question was called Chantelle rather than, say, Annabel or Susan, but there you go. I AM somewhat surprised that she hasn't been arrested for child sex abuse, with her disgusting parents in the next cell for conspiracy, but perhaps the local plod are too busy running Road Equality Compliance Community Camera Integration Initiative Partnership Awareness workgroups to actually bang up some criminal scum. Anyway, never mind; she's as free as a rather pasty-faced bird, revolting as that fact may be to decent people, and by all accounts she's free to all comers as well. So far, two local toerags have confessed to having explored Chantelle's dubious charms; no doubt many more, aware that the promise of tabloid cash will evaporate as soon as the angelic-faced Alfie falls out of the paternity frame, are quietly keeping their heads down and their hoods up. I imagine they'll be safe; after all, I doubt a girl as classy as Chantelle would have done anything so crass as ask their names before dropping her Primark knickers in exchange for a bottle of 20/20.

And Alfie, the fresh-faced little darling at the centre of all this (until it turns out that he's not the father at all, just a product of his own vile background and his "girlfriend's" deviousness)? Well, to me he looks like a real charmer. Here's a photo of him communicating with the media (Photo credit to Mark Large). Well, that's not quite the image we got in the first pictures of him playing with his(?) daughter, is it? The bemused, childish face; the sickening naivety (What's "financial"?), the anecdotes of him abandoning his PlayStation to feed the baby. No, Alfie is, at heart, just as despicable as any of the other characters in this squalid saga. He was TWELVE, for fuck's sake! He should have been building a treehouse or playing cowboys and indians with his friends, not riding a bike. And all his comments about how he means to be a good father? Yeah right. Is he going to support his new family financially? Is he bollocks. Is he going to provide a solid role model for his offspring? Not a chance. Is he going to work hard at school to overcome that 5-month truancy and try to salvage some vestige of education? Dream on. Is he going to do a runner when Chantelle's ecstatic squeals from the locked bedroom ("'E's just 'elping me wiv my 'omework Alfie, don't be so boooring!") get loud enough to interfere with his enjoyment of Grand Theft Auto: Slut City? Almost certainly.

In a just world, these things would happen: Maisie Roxanne would be immediately removed from her despicable environment, renamed Louise and placed with decent adopters, at least one of whom is gainfully employed. Those responsible for the upbringings of Alfie and Chantelle would be sentenced to long prison terms on the grounds of child abuse. And the young lovers themselves would be surgically dismantled for spare parts before either of them has the opportunity to spawn again.