Storm warning...

I was two years old when this picture was taken. It shows a Soviet Tu-95 BEAR strategic bomber being intercepted and turned away from UK airspace by an RAF FGR Mk 1 Phantom. Once, this was a regular occurrence; Soviet bombers probed our airspace, and our fighters sought to detect them and drive them off. Pictures such as this showed up often in the newspapers and on TV. The fighter and bomber pilots played it as a game, taking photos of each other and exchanging waves high above the North Sea.

But we all knew that it was no game; that some day those bombers might come blazing in at low level behind a cloud of jamming and fighter escorts, racing to get within missile launch range before the RAF could scramble to shoot them down. There was nothing funny about it; the pilots on both sides were practicing for a war that could have erupted at any moment. That war wouldn't have prompted irate letters in the Telegraph or sanctimonious carping from the Mirror; it would have shattered Europe, east and west alike, and killed millions of her people. It was a huge relief to everyone when, in 1989, the Bears stopped their probes and the RAF fighters stood down. After 45 years, the shadow of World War III had lifted from us.

"Two Tu95 “Bear” bombers were dispatched from their base on the Kola Peninsula in the Arctic Circle and headed towards British airspace.

Russian military aircraft based near the northern port city of Murmansk fly patrols off the Norwegian coast regularly, but the RAF said that it was highly unusual for them to stray as far south as Scotland.

Two Tornado fighters, part of the RAF’s Quick Reaction Alert, took off from RAF Leeming, in Yorkshire, to confront the Russian aircraft, after they were shadowed by two F16s from the Royal Norwegian Air Force, The Times has learnt."

The quote above, unlike the photo, is not from the depths of the Cold War. It's from The Times, on 18 July 2007. The Bear, the iconic animal of Russia, is once more prowling off our shores.

Why? Is it because we've expelled Russian diplomats? Is it because we insist that Russia violates its constitution and hands over to us the alleged killer of a man condemned for treason by his own country - a man who converted to islam out of solidarity with the Chechen murderers? Is it because our NuLabour government insists on sheltering the enemies of a fellow European nation which, like us, has suffered terribly from the evil of islamist terrorism?

Russia is a splendid nation. It and its people have much in common with the UK. They are not our natural enemies unless we choose to make them so. Given the state of the world today we have much to offer each other, and it would be a shame to lose that for the sake of protecting a corrupt oligarch and an islamist terrorist.

Mr Brown, I lived under the threat of a Russian attack for the first half of my life. I was bloody happy when that threat lifted. I know what I said in my previous essay, Red Storm Rising, but this is becoming worryingly real now. I simply do not want to see the Soviet menace rise from the ashes like a huge, malevolent red Phoenix because of some warped obsession with the death of a traitorous terrorist-loving liar.

Forget Litvinenko; extradite Berezovsky; let Russia sort out their own internal security in Chechnya, as they let us do in Northern Ireland.

Stop seeking differences to squabble over when Britain and Russia have so much in common.

They don't like it up 'em!

I've been asked about my law and order polices. Well, here they are.

This essay is likely to offend. My heart pumps purple piss.

Britain currently has thousands of crimes on the statute books. We actually need three. Yes, only three. Here they are:

1. Theft. Defined as depriving another person of their personal property by taking or damaging it without consent. Second degree theft (i.e. unintentional theft, for example destroying a garden wall through careless driving) will be punished as a Class 2 crime.

2. Assault. Defined as causing bodily harm to another person except in defence of one's self or one's property. This includes rape, murder and the supply of dangerous substances such as drugs. Second degree assault (i.e. unintentional assault, for example injuring a person by building a sub-standard house extension which collapses into the street) will be punished as a Class 2 crime.

3. Treason. This includes spying for a foreign country and belonging to, or giving any form of support to, an organisation which is engaged in declared or undeclared war against British interests. Treason will always be a Class 1 crime.

Only three crimes. Dead simple, eh? Well, what's even simpler is the new sentencing policy. There will only be two sentences; Class 2 and Class 1.

Class 2 (unintentional) crimes will be punished by a fixed sentence of 15 years in prison. Reduction of this sentence will only be granted for actions which demonstrably prevent further crimes by other people.

Class 1 (deliberate) crimes will be punished by execution. The sentence will be carried out by a single pistol bullet fired into the nape of the neck. This is an entirely fitting punishment for those who deliberately harm others; I really have to wonder at the motivations of those who stand up for the "rights" of convicted rapists, murderers or thieves.

My policies will result in the deaths of thousands of criminals. They will also cut crime so much you wouldn't believe it.

Your call....

What would John Smeaton do?

Apparently we're not allowed to refer to "muslim terrorists" or "islamic terrorists" any more. The reason behind this is that British muslims feel alienated when terrorists are described as exclusively muslim, and are therefore less willing to assist anti-terror efforts by, for example, providing information to the security forces.

Am I the only one that finds this absurd? There is a perfectly good reason why terrorists are described as muslim; it's because that's what they are. They are muslims and it is the muslim religion which morivates them to carry out their crimes. There is a clear link between the current plague of terrorism and islam.

Now, maybe it's true that islam is opposed to the killing of innocents (although a read of the koran would suggest otherwise) but British muslims have to wake up and smell the coffee.

It's not enough any more to mutter a half-hearted condemnation of the latest atrocity then shift the blame to British/American/Israeli foreign policy. Quite bluntly, there are two legitimate positions that anyone who lives in Britain can have on UK foreign policy. These are:

1. Support Britain's foreign policy and oppose, condemn and fight against islamist terrorism.

2. Oppose Britain's foreign policy but oppose, condemn and fight against islamist terrorism.

Living in Britain but supporting al Qaida, the Taliban and the bastards who bomb British cities is NOT an option. If all these fuckers in their squalid little extremist groups feel so strongly about British troops in Iraq then they should fuck off to Iraq and do something about it there, on the clear understanding that if they are captured and identified as a British passport holder they will be shot out of hand as a traitor to their country.

I also suggest that anyone resident in the UK who fights against British troops anywhere in the world should have their passport revoked, and all right of entry to the UK permanently removed, as soon as their relatives report to the police that young Kafeel or whatever has run off to join the jihad. Any of their friends or relatives who know this and fail to report it should be permanently deported from the UK, and all their assets seized as compensation for the families of soldiers killed in action. Any British resident involved in a terrorist act in the UK should be hanged as a traitor and their assets likewise seized. Any friends or relatives who were aware of their involvement and did not report it should be permanently deported and have their assets seized.

Western culture is under sustained attack. Anyone who cites the Iraq debacle as justification has their head up their arse; bin Laden started his crazed jihad long before the 2003 invasion. This terrorist campaign by islamists is not about foreign policy or anything like that; it is an attempt to destroy and subjugate our society. All moderate British muslims have to realise that in the battle against islamist terrorism, if they are not with us they are against us.

There is no contradiction between being a devout muslim and living in the UK, and it is possible to do so productively and happily - as long as you realise that in Britain secular, not religious, law is what counts; that Britain has its own, long-established culture which you must respect and which yours must not interfere with; that your fellow Britons expect, rightfully, that your loyalty will be to Britain and not her enemies; that islam does not and should not occupy a central place in British society and it would be arrogant and unwelcome to argue otherwise; and that Britain is not an islamic country and that at least 98% of the population are implacably imposed to it ever becoming one.

On a personal level, I really have to wonder why someone who supports sharia law and the wrapping of women in bin bags would choose to live in a secular Western democracy.

In conclusion then, I would suggest that if you hear anyone, from deranged radical imam to politically correct Nu-Tory spokesman, say that islamist terrorism is a response to poverty, racism, Iraq or anything else apart from islamism itself, do what John Smeaton did:

"So I ran straight towards the guy, we're all trying to get a kick-in at him, take a boot to subdue the guy."

Another poem...

Twas doon by Glasgae airport
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more than he could say.

"I'm no ha'en that," wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.

Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
Frae al Qaida bastards
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear

Religious tolerance

Maybe we should try to be more understanding of what these guys did though.

After all, they were just celebrating Ramavan.

Paradise awaits...

Did you ram my pint?

I just found a wonderful poem about the terrorist attack on Glasgow Airport.

Och Firey, Flaming Jeep Cherokee
What in he'en went wrong with thee?
Petrol poured I over me,
Three score and twelve virgins to see

But a passer by who saw my stunt
Said 'Te'ek tha' ya wee Jihadist Cunt!'
And with his forearm, quite distinguished
Ma bid for martyrdom extinguished.

Kafeel Ahmed, I hope that you are currently screaming in hideous and unceasing agony from your burns; I hope that someone has added pig fat to your IV line; I hope that you die surrounded by Scottish medics who hate and despise you; and I hope that as you draw your last pain-filled breath you realise that there is no god, you will never see paradise and that you have wasted your life on a Dark Age fairy tale. I hope that the last sound you ever hear is sadistic laughter.

I'm glad you burned, you Jihadist bastard.